Domestic Abuse: How to Recognise It and Get Help

Domestic abuse isn't just physical violence. It can be controlling behaviour, threats, sexual coercion, financial control, isolation from friends and family, or constant insults that break your confidence. If someone makes you afraid, watches or controls your phone or money, or pressures you into sex, that is abuse. Trust your feelings — if it feels wrong, it likely is.

How to stay safe right now

If you feel in immediate danger, call local emergency services or go to a safe place like a friend’s home, a police station or the nearest hospital. Try to have a simple escape plan: know which exits you can use, keep your phone charged, and pack a small bag with ID, money, medication and any documents you might need. If you can, store copies of important documents or messages with a trusted person or in a secure cloud account.

Set a code word with friends or family to signal you need help without alerting the abuser. Avoid arguments that escalate into violence—your priority is safety, not winning. If you live with the person, identify safe rooms (without weapons and with an exit) and avoid staying near kitchens or garages where sharp objects are kept.

Practical steps to get help and legal protection

Document everything. Take photos of injuries and property damage, save threatening texts or emails, and write notes with dates, times and witnesses. Medical reports and written statements strengthen legal cases. Report abuse to the police when you can; ask for a victim statement and a case number. In many African countries, including South Africa, you can apply for court protection orders (sometimes called protection or restraining orders) to keep the abuser away.

Look for local services: shelters, legal aid clinics, counsellors and NGOs that support survivors. Organisations like rape crisis centres and domestic violence shelters offer emergency housing, counselling and help with court papers. If you need anonymous advice first, contact a local hotline or an online support service to discuss options without pressure.

Supporting someone who tells you about abuse? Believe them and listen without judgement. Ask what they want and help them make a safety plan. Offer to hold documents or stay with them when they report to police. Don’t push them to leave before they’re ready—leaving can be the most dangerous time and should be planned with care.

Facing domestic abuse is overwhelming, but there are steps you can take to protect yourself and build a case for help. Keep evidence safe, use trusted contacts, and reach out to local organisations or legal services that know the laws where you live. You don’t have to handle this alone—help is available, and taking one small step can make a big difference.

By Lesego Lehari, 4 Sep, 2024 / Sports

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